What The World Needs Now Is Lau Sweet Lau

i already put this quote in a few months back.  gusto ko lang isulat ulit. like, mental note to self:

Your job is to break through barriers. Not accept blame and bow and say: “Thank you, I’m a loser, I’ll go away now.” “Phil’s mean to me….” So what? You want to be really great? Then have the courage to fail big and stick around. Make them wonder why you’re still smiling. That’s true greatness to me.
- claire colburn, elizabethtown

i love claire colburn (kirsten dunst) talaga promise. 

i need the courage if i am to fail big AND stick around, though i am failing in many aspects of my life, and yet still sticking around in a “namo universe!” rebellious irap. and im still smiling. so. there is a solution though.  that im just refusing to accept.

dear God please help me know what to do next. amen.

aba sosyal nag-iba ang itsura ng friendster blogs! and to think i just reread things few days ago…
ganito ako kadepressed, that i just reread my whole blog. wala lang, to cheer myself up. sabi kasi nila, im refreshing and colorful, so i thought maybe reading into myself, at least into my old happy self, might give me a boost.

so. i realized.

im a very funny complex person nga talaga, gawsh. im so funny. naaliw talaga ako sa sarili ko. dun sa lauie na 3, 4 years younger… so full of hope and happiness and also, sometimes may poot but enmeshed with happiness. hehehe. makulay talaga. hehehe. interesting interesting. whereas i used to be a really funny personality before, ngayon parang hindi na mashado. i pale next to the old me, who shone.

have to get my spirit back!

and obviously kapag something is not right in my world saka lang ako nagbloblog (tsaka pag wishlist time). for instance, almost 1 year akong di nagblog prior to the last wishlist. pano kase, that was my year off. so relatively walang problema. kaya eto lage akong may blog, ibig sabihin, magulo.

at! ang tagal ko nang hindi nag-ten things, pala. the centrum thing, yun na ang closest siguro to that.

sige, sige. ten more random things about me, now.

1. still single, gorgeous and available. but this is not a singles ad. so don’t interpret it that way, yes im talking to you the eeeky yucky stalkers. nyeech, i couldn’t care less. ano lang, para lang alam ng mga friends ko at ng mga close ko kung ano naba talaga. pero basta, no matter what you hear, SINGLE ako. what my friendster status says goes.  yan ang totoo.

2. i have a feeling, it’s crazy and i know it’s irrational, but i feel as if there’s a universal conspiracy against me. murphy’s law umaatikabo. obviously. sunud sunod ang kamalasan na dumarating, hindi ko na malaman kung ano ang gagawin…sabi nga. and i replied back: PARTY HARDER!!!!! anyone who wants to aya me and get wasted silly text lang ako.  after next week when the world would actually start caving in on me, we dig a hole out and parteeeh

3. im such a loser, for example, i watched the eheads concert with my brother (gian), and as the whole world knows already, naputol ang concert dahil namo ely. wehehehe. doctor na hindi understanding. neway, see???? if i didnt go, siguro nabuo yung three sets na prinepare nila tugtugin. see #2. im so jinxed. have to  exorcise the negative juju.  what was it? what triggered it? sunud sunud talaga. was it a chain email/text i didnt send? a broken mirror? (though i dont remember breaking any as of late) a lola na di ko binigyan ng fita biscuit?whaaat??? or is the universe already giving me a shove, actually sobrang loud and clear na nung message ng universe, in denial lang talaga ako. this has got to stop.  happy pa ba ako? do i actually need this? do i need this unhappiness in my life for my growth????

4. i like shiny things. shining, shimmering, splendid things. my latest collection are these quaint vintagey shiny bejeweled clips and stuff for my hair, na sobrang cute pero sobra ring expensive. my spirit’s so dull now i have to be makintab physically tuloy

5. gusto ko ang dirty ice cream. cheese flavor lang at sugar cone.

6. favorite alcoholic drink: tequila. luma na to. who doesnt know about this yet?

7. i’ve started driving, nga pala. virgin who can’t drive!! (copyright alicia silverstone, clueless) well totoo pa ren yun kasi nga naka-ilang beses na rin akong bangga, and im a lot better now emotionally kasi kina-depressan ko kasi yan dati, ang aking apparent failure as a driver. pero when it comes to my driving skills, hmm… cars and lau don’t mix (i guess ive mentioned this many times in this blog, kahet nung di pa ako nagdadabble sa driving), pero now parang ok na. famous last words. sana hindi na maulit yung hindi na maulit. sana sana. my brother has provided me with good lifetime advice, when in doubt STOP daw. so i do. effective naman. (STOP DRIVING?no way). my car is named grey.

8. i have marimar/dyesebel hair now pala, for quite a while na. since feb 8. but c’mon, ive worn my hair this way already back in college so nothing new. to me and old friends at least. pero patok naman with others. hehehe. di ko alam when i’ll tire of it. kulot has already become me.  papatanggal ko rin to someday (i have a plan) have to have a press photo muna of my hair. eh wala pa. may naisip na ako na pose. hey KC!!! hehehe!!

9. best shawarma tasted ever: sa baguio! san nga ba yun sheila? bodiwharma? parang ganyan.

10. chocobananapeanut shake ng bora. miss ko na.

malapit na kasi akong magbirthday ehem ehem ehem (though beware the birthday bah-humbug scrooge in me!) at magchristmas at binoblog ko naman palagi ang wishes ko every year, so here i go again…
sabi ni julie andrews, when you’re feeling sad you simply remember your favorite things and then you don’t feel so bad. so parang ganito na rin yun.
yung centrum i want to be complete list ko, yun sana, kaso hirap naman fulfill yun. has to come from within me kaya.
so eto yung mga pwede. mweehehe.

so my monitomonita mommy santa for this year baka gusto mo tulungan… it’s that time of year again…

LAU’S CHRISTMAS WISH LIST 2008. Reruns from previous lists wala na rin kasi ako gano maisip

- a kick ass JACKET! (I always have a new jacket for Christmas every year, I get one for myself if nobody buys for me, hehe). Okay din ang trenchcoat-type jackets, i like them nowadays. Thankssomuch! can i just say, kase, “malamig ang pasko…” hahaha.. every year and forever na lang. pero i love jackets so ok lang.
- TEES: with (1) A PINEAPPLE IN FRONT, (2) A HEART. JUST ONE, (3) top na may “88″ sa harap, (4) HOOTERS tshirts because i like them
- G-TEC 0.4 na PURPLE… lexi ok sana yung purple na bingay mo saken kaso hiningi ni mama. neway the point is, gotta be gtec to complete the collection. hehehe
- puting bathrobe yung makapal and lush na type ok ok ok (sabi ng sister ko, “ede sumali ka sa PBB…” ohyouhavenoidea!! its the PLAN B!!!!)
- the bejeweled lil clips from girl shoppe or marcela, whatever, para princessy… mga 100+ nga lang yun each, but they really cheer me up when im down
- any jewelry na rose quartz (para magkalove daw) bracelet or something. actually pendant nga lang gusto ko kasi ang bigat ng rose quartz mashado. but anything will do. :-0
- mga scarf. alam mo naman ako pauso

Love, Lauie lau

AND I ALREADY WATCHED A VERY SPECIAL LOVE… NICE. (ganyan ako kadepressed im knowing my priorities and effingwhat should really be my priorities :-)  kaya eto let’s end with a song.

I never believed in love… I was deceived by love… I never had much luck with lovers before…

And I couldn’t compete… I seemed just part of the street… To be walked on by everyone but then

I found a very special love in you.. It’s a feeling that’s so totally new
Over and over, it’s burning inside
And I found a very special love in you.. And it almost breaks me in two
Squeezing me tighter
But I’m never gonna let go…

You’re not like the rest… I know you’re one of the best
You give more than you should and take nothing in return

Stay always with me… And I always will be
The one person that you can count on always to love you

And I found a very special love in you.. It’s a feeling that’s so totally new
Over and over, it’s burning inside
And I found a very special love in you.. And it almost breaks me in two
Squeezing me tighter
But I’m never gonna let go…

well i’ll try.

super.

"when in doubt, stop." - giancarlo europa, md

best advice i’ve had all month, i guess, a text from my brother (the real biological brother, one of the two anyways) warning me about the perils of driving, pertaining to my recent many reckless run-ins. huhuhu. i’ve found it to be comforting, almost like a mantra i’ve been living by many days now. gosh, does anybody even have the faintest… haay. whatever. im in deep turmoil on so many fronts. ive been sooo awfully tired this month. these many months. it’ll be over soon, though… but only the rotation from hell. the rest of my troubles remain…

but anyway, it works. when in doubt, stop.

and also, KYP, FTP!!!! the other secret mantra that for fear of losing my license and my otherwise sweet and sunny image i shall not elaborate…

is there such a thing as chronic fatigue syndrome? i have that. (nasabi ko na ata to sa blog na to dati)

oh i miss my old friends. i just realized, dawn and leo, you have been my kapitbahay for like 8  months already, but we’ve only seen each other 4x??? max? nung di pa tayo magkapitbahay we saw each other over coffee at the very least monthly. we had starbucks sessions then. naaalala nyo pa ba? parang ang tagal na. haaygrabe.

when in doubt, stop. something’s been bothering me, that i’ve been refusing to acknowledge… well perhaps writing about it and being vague like this means im actually acknow-…. waitaminute. no. no feeding. when. in. doubt. stop. STOP.

im a fan of the joss whedon thing. change topic and digress a bit. hehehe. thanks to KC for pointing me towards that. hehehehe. with my freeze ray i will stop the world!

i’ve also been listening to toni gonzaga (haha  stupid). ok ok just coz i have it. ooohkaaay, sooo maybe not just coz i have it, i feel like listening to her now. hehehe. back to the jologs life. i haven’t watched "a very special love". sorry lloydy and sarah. hahahaha! feeling ko pa naman maganda. next time next time. oh but i’ve seen the aga&anne-curtis-our-friend flick (horrid thing, but boracay’s still the bomb!), also my big love (kaya ko nga pinapakinggan na si toni gonzaga - kamag-anak kaya namin ni johans sya? hehehe).  have to have my fill of pinoy movies on dvd. and ive also seen the hollywood mysassygirl. pede na rin, nice i dont hate it, at least. my sassy girl. i love it. just the thought of it, mapa-english man o korean. 

speaking of korean, every night i sleep to kim samsoon and dalja’s spring. wala lang. hahahaha! i sleep on the couch every single night. miss na miss na miss ko na ang aking kama at ang malupit kong unan.  i dont sleep in my room anymore coz i happen to sleep really well and not get anything done. it’s a talent, sleeping, and my numero uno favorite hobby of all time (ask anyone). except for the three days last week that i had a heplock on and i was receiving intravenous steroids as a quick fix for my asthma (btw im better now, heal thyself, i told myself, so voila), nakaka-high pala talaga yun! still i went to work and did rounds and had to explain to everybody bakit nakaswero ako doing my rounds, about a million times in my hoarse best inday garutay impression. i slept for about 30-45 minutes only for that 3 day period, and i was more hyper than usual, and really praning, and rambling and mumbling and distracted and rtd-attending and un-tired and manic and not eating and really-for-chrissakes-not-sleeping! (and i wanted to, already), and i thank the heavens and my stars and my friends for pulling me through that meltdown. major major meltdown, with 30 patients under my service pa. so that was it, took the iv cannula out myself (sakit pala nun! thanks to my kambal for bearing with me, ang arte ko) and discontinued the hydrocortisone. so im back to normal. whatever’s my normal. hehehe.

anyway, so i sleep on the couch, they leave the tv on for me, on the premise that i will get up soon and do my job. i do not.

for example, i’m supposed to be doing charts pala now!! haaay.

i want to be a better driver. i want to fall in love. i want my patients to stop dying on me. i want to be bluddy rich, no matter what it takes. ["gusto ko lang talagang maging mayaman." -- jay echaluse, md. i hear ya, jay! and miss u, mwah.] i want to be a better swimmer and go back to bora. i want to sing everyday, and dance! i want to do what’s right. i want to zero out my charts. i want God to be proud of me. i want to be complete. that’s why i take centrum. sometimes.

ps. and just before logging off, i watched the sarah-johnlloyd mmk episode on youtube. hihihihihi!!!! di ko makita yung AVSL, but that will do for now. meron silang chemistry infernes.

pps. allen and toffee… the quitter is not quitting! semi-happy na ako ulit thanks for the comments, meant a lot. one day i will look back on this, centrum in hand, and feel that it was part of the process of completing myself. oh yes, convince yourself lauielau…

and btw. charts are not fun. haler. but got you reading, eh?

"i spit in the face of people who are not cool." - rudy boy natividad, md, 2008.

my blog has degenerated into utter nothingness, a repository of veiled emotions through songs and quotes that i randomly pick up (and think na, ok un ah!)  i no longer have any original, novel ideas to call my own. i am a blank. i am empty. im so sad. its so sad that im sad.  sabi nga nila, hindi ko bagay. kasi im happy shalalala.

anyhow, as always, nagbloblog na lang ako pag nasa verge na naman ako. i am wasting my precious 31 days of OPD happiness  on stupid bullshit called charts, which would be lining trashbins in a few years, be fodder for termites and whatnot, only to propagate the smell of rotting paper and… oldness… in a place that reeks specifically of… oldness. talaga lang talaga!!!!  have you read house of god (by samuel shem, md)? now i hate gomers! well i hate them most of the time. ironic for it to have come from me.

haayy grabe. ayus talaga. ayus na ayus na ayus. the first time i was at OPD, harrassed to death din ako nun with impending reports and a stupid required outing that ate into our weekend-off (that was mildly enjoyable naman kasi was with 4 of my really good friends — my dream team — then), sabi ko sa sarili ko, the next time i get assigned here, i will escape to bora! but now mukhang hndi mangyayari. nang dahil sa chart. i look at these things with repulsion. like, c’mon, honestly! government property my a**.

i told myself, just wait for the right time. the perfect time will come. the time when i will escape, and there would be no turning back. as of now, i still have so many doubts. my vision is still clouded by pain and anger and insecurity. there still is no plan b.  and i love my friends dearly. yun daw would have been the worst reason to stay, because of the people you would leave behind. pero parang yun na lang nakikita kong reason enough to stay eh. the money? the prestige (my foot!)? the training? i can always get that from elsewhere. i am alone. im a survivor. i would always stay afloat. heck, i can be so many things besides what i am right now. do not tempt or scare me. i am not at a dead-end.  i do not want to be stuck in something that is stealing my spirit. hindi na ako ako eh. i used to be really cool (sorry, but i’ve been told). i used to be really happy. fresh air. people were happy around me. ngayon parang naging dementor ang buhay ko.

but since then, i have never been a quitter (save for my foray into haribon and pmhs, hahaha!), so i will stick around. maybe things will change. bilog ang mundo. i will stick around until the perfect time comes. and when it does, nothing and nobody can stop me from breaking free.

i thank my family. i thank my old friends who love me to death. kahit hindi ko kayo nakikita i feel you. and i thank my new friends who are my pillars now, especially my dream team (joms-joef-elen AND therese who has always been a part of my heart, and my kuya jeof). at salamat kay joeffyboy dahil kung hindi kita kasama sa OPD at sa topfivechartnonmakers hindi ko talaga alam gagawin ko. buti na lang talaga. "blessing in the skies…" i also thank my many fans. you make me laugh and remind me of who i am really. thanks. dami nyo ah. hehehe.

end.

"we’re just friends." OR "close lang kami." - lauielau md (eh sa totoo naman eh)

There’s a difference between a failure and a fiasco. A failure is merely the absence of success. Any fool can achieve failure. But a fiasco, a fiasco is a disaster of epic proportions. A fiasco is a folk tale told to others to make other people feel more alive because it didn’t happen to them.
- from elizabethtown (2005)
- the newest addition to my favorite movie list (yup among many many favorites). I stumbled upon it on good Friday, when I was again down in the dumps, at my lowest point yet for this year, actually,  and feeling uberly miserable and sorry for myself.  At least gave me a new perspective on things… on failure, and wallowing… and happiness… and being a breath of fresh air in the world. The Kirsten Dunst character! Happy shalalala girl pa naman ako, sobra, thus loving the freakishly effervescent Kirsten dunst character (sorry but I hate Orlando bloom, still do, sorry oliver… loved this movie though), overkill nga lang. She’s one of a kind. I truly believe I am too.

Although at that point in my life, nung araw na iyon nga lang, mas depressed ako in the Orlando bloom sense. Oh well.  Thank you lord for making me pick up that remote and watch this gem. Sumaya ako ulit. Yehey. 

However, how often can one minutely wallow on one’s failures/fiascos without actually exploding, you know what i mean? oh well. bahala na batman. i hope i can stay like this, cheerful, i mean, for an extended period of time.  opd naman ako now eh. i wonder i wonder i wonder. i wonder how astute people can be in recognizing a cry for help? thank you to my friend genevieve, you have made me feel better with two words.:-)  i hope you’re right.

Love prevails.

Wish i could be the one, the one who could give you love, the kind of love you really need. Wish i could say to you that i’ll always stay with you. But baby that’s not me. You need someone willing to give their heart and soul to you, promise you forever, baby that’s something i can’t do. Oh i could say that i’ll be all you need, but that would be a lie. I know i’d only hurt you, I know i’d only make you cry. I’m not the one you’re needing, I love you, goodbye. I hope someday you can find some way to understand i’m only doing this for you. I don’t really wanna go but deep in my heart i know this is the kindest thing to do. You’ll find someone who’ll be the one that i could never be, who’ll give you something better than the love you’ll find with me. Oh i could say that i’ll be all you need but that would be a crime. I know i’d only hurt you, I know i’d only make you cry. I’m not the one you’re needing, I love you, goodbye.
Leaving someone when you love someone is the hardest thing to do when you love someone as much as i love you. Oh i don’t wanna leave you, baby it tears me up inside. But i’ll never be the one you’re needing, I love you, goodbye. Baby, its never gonna work out, I love you, goodbye.
- by nina
- ewan, gusto ko lang mag-emote, gusto ko lang talaga. not really dedicated to anyone in particular, pero pwedeng retrospectively, ehem ehem. hehehe. Mamatay na mga feeling. Hi fans.

You think that I go home at night Take off my clothes, turn out the lights But I burn letters that I write To you, to make you love me. Yeah, I drive naked through the park And run the stop sign in the dark Stand in the street, yell out my heart To make, to make you love me. I am extraordinary, if you’d ever get to know me I am extraordinary, I am just your ordinary Average every day sane psycho Supergoddess
Average every day sane psycho. You may not believe in me But I believe in you So I still take the trash out Does that make me too normal for you? So dig a little deeper, cause You still don’t get it yet See me lickin’ my lips, need a primitive fix And I’ll make, I’ll make you love me. I am extraordinary, if you’d ever get to know me I am extraordinary, I am just your ordinary Average every day sane psycho Supergoddess
Average every day sane psycho Supergoddess. See me jump through hoops for you You stand there watching me performing What exactly do you do? Have you ever thought it’s you that’s boring? Who the hell are you? I am extraordinary, if you’d ever get to know me I am extraordinary, I am just your ordinary Average every day sane psycho Supergoddess Average every day sane psycho Average every day sane psycho Supergoddess Average every day sane psycho Average every day sane psycho Supergoddess Average every day sane psycho Average every day sane psycho
– extraordinary by liz phair

You would always ask me those words I say, and telling me what it means to me… every single day you always act this way but how many times I’ve told you, I love you, for this is all I know… (ANO DAW???? hwehehehe)
– I just watched recently yung “one more chance” ni john Lloyd and bea. 5 stars (sorry ping ha now ko lang napanuod, pero I totally agree, I like it!)!!! and three thumbs up – polydactyly (will I ever tire of this hirit?).

Someone told me once that having once loved and lost would truly make you enjoy, nay, internalize this movie. You will find yourself to be either Popoy or Basha. So ako naman, iyakin girl galore, ano nangyari? Wala! Hehehe. First of all, since I was watching it with sibs and cousins peering over my shoulder (at baka pagtawanan pa nila ako noh, hehehe), and second, I prolly could not fully relate, being pure and having a comedy life… although if there was one scene that truly tugged at my lacrimal glands, naiyak super ako dun sa hospital scene, when the goofy friend of lloydy tried to kill himself, and they had this whole madrama spiel and bea cried upon hearing it. Ehehehe. Pero I laughed so hard super duper dun sa jeepney scene (thanks to my brother for this, twas so funny kahit he gave me a heads-up about this bentang eksena). Anyway. So sino ako dun? Siempre si Basha (kuno). Pero hindi rin eh. (Hindi talaga actually. Super pinilit ko lang yun). ? I have no heartbreak of that proportion to speak of. Hmm. Oh but wait. Matagal ko na nga tong alam, pero if i were a Bea alonzo character i’d be Betsy Rallos (Now that i have you).  Comedy eh. Parang kinopya sa akin 75-80% of that character. Agree???

Yun pala ang name ng pet plant ko, popoy.

And finally, yup napanood ko na yung movie namin (Blue Moon) on Cinema One. By namin, I mean myself and my doctor friends Andrei, Dennis, Marris and Dra Pua.  at alam ko exactly where we were supposed to be, had we not been cut out… yep na-cut ang eksena namin!! Paksyet! Joel Lamangan you *^%* director you!!! Joke lang. Hehehe. K lang we still got paid naman. Thanks for watching though, for the support, mga fans.  It’s a pretty nice movie… award-winning… nicer kung andun pa rin sana kami. We ended up on the cutting room floor lang pala. Di bale mag-aartista pa rin ako! Will still have my movie break someday! Hehehe!

Now i dont understand why i insist on blogging whenever im terribly busy, whenever i have many charts to attend to, but hey. wait lang. im on the verge of losing it here, so indulge me.

i also got myself hooked on the brian gorrell gucci gang scandal, mukhang sira, it really enables you to waste a lot of time, fast!! funnee!!! oh god what i’d give to be able to go to bora now. haaaaayyyyy….

now one last, im so sorry:
Your job is to break through barriers. Not accept blame and bow and say: “Thank you, I’m a loser, I’ll go away now.” “Phil’s mean to me….” So what? You want to be really great? Then have the courage to fail big and stick around. Make them wonder why you’re still smiling. That’s true greatness to me.
- claire colburn, elizabethtown

para sa u, sorry sorry sorry po.

off to the gallows, er, work i go. (holiday pa naman. nanaman. ulit. oh well. this would be my life until i finally decide to break free…)

Dark as roses, fine as sand
Feel your healing and your sting again
I hear you laughing and my soul is saved
On forgotten graves you cry
Crawl like ivy up my spine
Through my nerves and into my eyes
Cuts like anguish
Or recollections of better days gone by
But its all right
When youre caught in pain
And you feel the rain come down
Its all right
When you find your way
Then you see it disappear
Its all right
Though your gardens grey
I know all your graces
Someday will flower
In the sweet sunshower
Eyes like oceans so far away
A feather trail to a better way
Worried mornings turn into days
Then into worried nights
But its all right
When youre all in pain
And you feel the rain come down
Oh its all right
When you find your way
Then you see it disappear
Oh its all right
Though your gardens grey
I know all your graces
Someday will flower
Oh in the sweet sunshower
Oh in the sweet sunshower
In the sweet sunshower
I know all your graces
Someday will flower
In the sweet sunshower
And its all right
All youll be you are today
Are today
Its all right
All youll be you are today
Are today………

– chris cornell, sunshower (one of my all-time favorites…)

To see you when I wake up is a gift I didn’t think could be real.
To know that you feel the same as I do is a three-fold, utopian dream.
You do something to me that I can’t explain.
So would I be out of line if I said, I miss you.
I see your picture, I smell your skin on the empty pillow next to mine.
You have only been gone ten days, but already I’m wasting away.
I know I’ll see you again whether far or soon.
But I need you to know that I care and I miss you.

– incubus, i miss you

ALYSSA: Why are we stopping?
HOLDEN: Because I can’t take it.
ALYSSA: Can’t take what?
HOLDEN: I love you.
ALYSSA: (beat) You love me.
HOLDEN: I love you. And not in a friendly way, although I think we’re great friends. And not in a misplaced affection, puppy-dog way, although I’m sure that’s what you’ll call it. And it’s not because you’re unattainable. I love you. Very simple, very truly. You’re the epitome of every attribute and quality I’ve ever looked for in another person. I know you think of me as just a friend and crossing that line is the furthest thing from an option you’d ever consider. But I can’t do this any longer. I can’t stand next to you without wanting to hold you. I can’t look into your eyes without feeling that longing you only read about in trashy romance novels. I can’t talk to you without wanting to express my love for everything you are. I know this will probably queer our friendship - no pun intended - but I had to say it, because I’ve never felt this before, and I like who I am because of it. And if bringing it to light means we can’t hang out anymore, then that hurts me. But I couldn’t allow another day to go by without getting it out there, regardless of the outcome, which by the look on your face is to be the inevitable shootdown. And I’ll accept that But I know some part of you is hesitating for a moment, and if there is a moment of hesitation, that means you feel something too. All I ask is that you not suppress that - at least for ten minutes - and try to dwell in it before you dismiss it. There isn’t another soul on this fucking planet who’s ever made me the person I am when I’m with you, and I would risk this friendship for the chance to take it to the next plateau. Because it’s there between you and me. You can’t deny that. And even if we never speak again after tonight, please know that I’m forever changed because of you and what you’ve meant to me, which - while I do appreciate it - I’d never need a painting of birds bought at a diner to remind me of.

– chasing amy (ben affleck, joey lauren adams, jay and silent bob)

i sooo wanna go back to the happy me, yung pbb-watching, beach-going, gimik-seeking, adventurous, kaladkaren, cool, sleeping-all-day, HAPPY me. hindi yung ganito, pagod, pikon, frustrated, asar, weird, pavictim. :(  this is not me. this is not who i am supposed to be. im supposed to rock. so bakit ganun?
im really, really, really tired. physically, emotionally.
and i don’t know how much longer i can take it.
haaaayyy…
im just thinking na God didnt put me in this place if 1) i couldn’t survive it, 2) there was no way out.
so is it fight or flight? abangan.

Kay tagal kong sinusuyod ang buong mundo para hanapin, para hanapin ka
Nilibot ang distrito ng iyong lumbay pupulutin, pupulutin ka
Sinusundo kita, sinusundo…
Asahan mong mula ngayon pag-ibig ko’y sayo.  Asahan mong mula ngayon
Pag-ibig ko’y sayo
Sa akin mo isabit ang pangarap mo, di kukulangin ang ibibigay.  Isuko ang kaba
tuluyan kang bumitaw, ika’y manalig, manalig ka..
Sinusundo kita, sinusundo…
Asahan mong mula ngayon pag-ibig ko’y sayo
Asahan mong mula ngayon pag-ibig ko’y sayo
Handa na sa liwanag mo
Sinuyod ang buong mundo
Maghihintay sayo’ng sundo
- imago

well a lot of my prayers have been answered this year, so thanks in advance to the Lord, our great Destiny Mapper. isa na nga lang talagang ayaw nya pa i-grant, ahehehehehe. ok lang.

so my monitomonita mommy santa for this year baka gusto mo tulungan… it’s that time of year again…

LAU’S CHRISTMAS WISH LIST 2007. The easiest one yet. I think. Mostly reruns from previous lists

Same old same olds… (described so many times in wishlists of christmases past, pacheck na lang )

- a kick ass JACKET! (I always have a new jacket for Christmas every year, I get one for myself if nobody buys for me, hehe). Okay din ang trenchcoat-type jackets, i like them nowadays. Thankssomuch! can i just say, kase, "malamig ang pasko…" hahaha

- TEES: with (1) A PINEAPPLE IN FRONT, (2) A HEART. JUST ONE, (3) top na may "88" sa harap, (4) HOOTERS tshirts because i like them

- G-TEC 0.4 PURPLE BOOKS

- Trip to Quiapo by Ricky Lo este Lee (no idea where to find this… pero dati meron sa Natio, luma na kasi ito)

- Fourteen Love Stories - edited by Jose Dalisay (available at the UP Press, call 9253243/9282558/ 9266642 o ayan ha)

- Puppy Love and 13 short stories - F. Sionil Jose (available at Natio Katips, Natio Cubao…)

- The perks of being a wallflower – Stephen Chbosky (seen at Natio Katips… pero siempre mas mahal dun)

- Sex and the City — Candace Bushnell (available in bookstores all over the Philippines , sana merong mura lang)

- a Nick Hornby book that I don’t have yet, yupyup, convert ako. I have songbook, speaking with the angel, high fidelity, how to be good, fever pitch and abt a boy … which leaves…:-)?

- Chicken Pox for the Soul AND 500 People You Meet In Hell- Jessica Zafra (hard to find, luma na rin kasi… but u saw the "500 ppl" in natio cubao last year)

- The Acid House — Irvine Welsh

- Fight Club by Chuck Palahniuk

- Paulo Coelho’s Veronika decides to die, and By The River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept

- Pera Palaguin (hahaha) kasi our new motto is "kaching kaching!" (tagalog version ng "show me the money..!)  available in national bookstore. kalimutan ko na sino yung author

Kurt Vonnegut books: –> lapit na, konti na lang! dami rin at UP but most of the time i already have what they’re selling. Grabe.

- Happy Birthday Wanda June

- Between Time and Timbuktu

- Canary in a Cathouse

- Fates Worse Than Death

- A Man Without a COuntry

- This one nakita ko lang sa internet, but don’t really know about: THE BIG SPACE F***

KVJ lives on…

PIRATED STUFF: Can be downloaded by those who have the time and resources. In no particular order…

- COLOR IT RED’s 4th album. Yung 4th lang talaga. Meron napo ako nung 1st 3 nila (Hand-Painted, Fool Circle, Pop Fiction)

- COmpilation ng Cafe Del Mar anthologies

- The chillout project Sisters of the sun - Anton Ramos

Halo-halo:

- Whitney Houston’s Greatest Hits

- Christina Aguilera’s Greatest Hits

- Sharon Cuneta’s greatest hits (walang pakialamanan, i like her)

- Pussycat dolls

- Gwen Stefani

- The blackeyed peas and Fergie’s new thing

- Hed Kandi

- Anything by the latest AI season, yung tour/publicity album ng top 12

- Elliot Yamin, i love him (di kame nakanood au kasiiiii…!!! joke lang)

- Chris Daughtry

- Maroon 5

- Mark Bautista’s album forgot what it’s called yung mga remakes

- rivermaya’s greatest hits wag na isali yung bagong liwanag. joke lang.

- yung sila ulit muna something, yung sa apo remakes ulit, yung meron yung hilera

MOVIES:

- Just Married (Ashton and Brittany), and Dude Where’s My Car (Ashton and Stifler)

- The Parent Trap ni Lindsay Lohan

- My Girl ni Macaulay Culkin

- Down With Love (Ewan and Renee)

- Boys and Girls

- Edward Scissorhands

- DVDs (pirated is ok) ng A Guy Thing (DVD coz I like the special features)

- Home Alone 1 and 2 (na i saw in a dvd 9 collection before)

- That 70s show dvds (thanks auie for the idea) except season 1 kasi i have it na

- House MD season except seasons 1 and 2

- Grey’s Anatomy except the "first and secondly series" (seasons 1 and 2)

- The entire Buffy Universe now available in boxed sets

- FRIENDS din pala … AZIF I HAVE TIME TO WATCH THEM ALL!!

OTHERS: pag may asterisks i really like…

- *** knitting needles and balls of yarn. didn’t we use to knit in first year? somebody borrowed my needles and now i dunno where to find em. anyway i have no idea where to get them na now dahil wala na atang "stitches and things" anywhere.

- *** shu uemura eyelash curler (very expensive but available cheaper, on the net, sa mga local merchants, so they say)

- OR fanny serrano eyelash curler (which is also kinda expensive but sabi nila is comparable to shu. although, kung magsp-splurge ka rin lang why not the original na? hmm hmm hmm)

- lauren by ralph lauren na perfume

- podcasts of "goodtimes with mo" on 89.9… the better shows at least. sometimes they’re real entertaining eh.

- *** any jewelry na rose quartz (para magkalove daw) bracelet or something. actually pendant nga lang gusto ko kasi ang bigat ng rose quartz mashado. but anything will do. :-0

- dahil sa muli nilang pagkabuhay, yung meteor garden necklace from first season (yep i still have the ring from second season). just in case the necklace gets revived too, somewhere.. i got the ring from SIUVONI. with outlets at sm megamall and sm manila.

- *** siopao pearl earrings. yah i know i have plenty, eh so what? kaysa naman…

- diamond earrings. o ano? heyomytonyboy are you tuning in???

- oh but kidding aside i really want siopao pearls, kasi i lose mine all the time, especially the pakaws. they’re actually just here in my house but they rolled over from the dresser, to the floor, and to where no human being can find them ever again. ps. i have allergic contact dermatitis to certain metals, so, tricky tricky. hypoallergenic or gold pwede.

- dermalogica products in order of preference: (1) daily microfoliant, (2) barrier repair. actually daily microfoliant lang talaga ang gusto ko..:-) available at rustan’s essenses

- olive oil body mist, available at the body shop

- a harmonica, kahet the cheapest of the lot. to enable me to make more noise than usual

Thank you so much and Merry Christmas early sa nakabunot sa akin:-)

Love, Lauie lau

(i owe you my fans a real blog. im working on it. pa-wishlist muna christmas na eh at saka bday ko last week. ehem ehem…)

I’ve done it!!! My overblown Ten Things! Yippeee! Imagine na lang my frustration nung nawala lahat ng sinulat kong yan that day in UP SC and in SM NE Cyberzone. Leche talaga. (that’s also the reason I saved in bite sized pieces, sakaling mag brownout ulit…)

It’s now Friday the Thirteenth, a lucky day as any, if you ask me.

Now I have to update my wishlist. Hihihi…

- about the jacket. i’m again becoming increasingly fond of my black jackets, so black is good. always good. khaki and dark denim also. i’ll always love the bright colors, but for now im more fond of the basic black.
- i’ve already ordered for the 3 succeeding books in the shopaholic series from one of my suking tinderas, so i guess it would be JUST confessions of a shopaholic for me…
- i’m no longer asking for the Soundtrack of the movie RENT, because my cousin Mariel is getting it for me, yehey! Thank you love love. 
- Also, i have finished downloading The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill album, so, wala na rin yan.
- Yung 1st album na lang ng Savage Garden, i found an "Affirmation" album from my suking pirata eh… out na rin yan.
- SODAMI articles ARE available at Morning Glory, Robinson’s Galleria :-)  i went last week and i’m coming back this week to buy myself a birthday gift (mababaw lang kasi ako). Kaya take it out of the list na rin.
- i would also appreciate a bossa nova compilation, especially the one of the vst and co. songs in bossanova version (available wherever good music is sold)… downloaded is fine too. i have lots of bossa nova already courtesy of my dad’s CDs, which i burn into mp3s for my collection, hehe; we have lots of stuff by astrud/antonio carlos jobim, but nothing by sitti, or any of the newer ones though
- galing din ako sa greenhouse boksale this afternoon to buy myself some birthday gifts and i ran into NIGHT SHIFT by Stephen King… so wala na ren yun, i bought it.  Tsaka tip ko lang, magsasara ang book sale na yun for sem break (which i think is 2nd week of October…). kaya’t magmadali! Bumili na ng inyong mga second hand books dun! Magbubukas ulit sila after, only to close yet again for the Halloween-and-All Saints-and-Souls-Days… pero anyway… mabuti na’ng handa.

- I want copies of the following music (preferably in mp3 format, burned or pirated/songnapped):
"The School Of Rock" soundtrack - because i love that movie, and Jack Black reminds me of one of my favorite persons ever - gez hu gez hu
"Under the Pink" - Tori Amos
"Boys For Pele" - Tori Amos
"Little Earthquakes" - Tori Amos
(These are the 1st 3 albums of Tori Amos… a "The Best Of…" compilation won’t do, coz i actually have one already… kulang sha. Most like ko of the 3 albums is Under The Pink, kahet yun lang swakk na!)
"10,000 Maniacs" MTV unplugged album

Will think of other wishes next time. Thanks for all my presents from my birthday Santas… and all the others coming, thanks! 

Thanks pala to Clair. Since using Notepad solely I’ve never hit a snag with Friendster editing. Hehehe.