this really bites
Friday, July 11th, 2008"i spit in the face of people who are not cool." - rudy boy natividad, md, 2008.
my blog has degenerated into utter nothingness, a repository of veiled emotions through songs and quotes that i randomly pick up (and think na, ok un ah!) i no longer have any original, novel ideas to call my own. i am a blank. i am empty. im so sad. its so sad that im sad. sabi nga nila, hindi ko bagay. kasi im happy shalalala.
anyhow, as always, nagbloblog na lang ako pag nasa verge na naman ako. i am wasting my precious 31 days of OPD happiness on stupid bullshit called charts, which would be lining trashbins in a few years, be fodder for termites and whatnot, only to propagate the smell of rotting paper and… oldness… in a place that reeks specifically of… oldness. talaga lang talaga!!!! have you read house of god (by samuel shem, md)? now i hate gomers! well i hate them most of the time. ironic for it to have come from me.
haayy grabe. ayus talaga. ayus na ayus na ayus. the first time i was at OPD, harrassed to death din ako nun with impending reports and a stupid required outing that ate into our weekend-off (that was mildly enjoyable naman kasi was with 4 of my really good friends — my dream team — then), sabi ko sa sarili ko, the next time i get assigned here, i will escape to bora! but now mukhang hndi mangyayari. nang dahil sa chart. i look at these things with repulsion. like, c’mon, honestly! government property my a**.
i told myself, just wait for the right time. the perfect time will come. the time when i will escape, and there would be no turning back. as of now, i still have so many doubts. my vision is still clouded by pain and anger and insecurity. there still is no plan b. and i love my friends dearly. yun daw would have been the worst reason to stay, because of the people you would leave behind. pero parang yun na lang nakikita kong reason enough to stay eh. the money? the prestige (my foot!)? the training? i can always get that from elsewhere. i am alone. im a survivor. i would always stay afloat. heck, i can be so many things besides what i am right now. do not tempt or scare me. i am not at a dead-end. i do not want to be stuck in something that is stealing my spirit. hindi na ako ako eh. i used to be really cool (sorry, but i’ve been told). i used to be really happy. fresh air. people were happy around me. ngayon parang naging dementor ang buhay ko.
but since then, i have never been a quitter (save for my foray into haribon and pmhs, hahaha!), so i will stick around. maybe things will change. bilog ang mundo. i will stick around until the perfect time comes. and when it does, nothing and nobody can stop me from breaking free.
i thank my family. i thank my old friends who love me to death. kahit hindi ko kayo nakikita i feel you. and i thank my new friends who are my pillars now, especially my dream team (joms-joef-elen AND therese who has always been a part of my heart, and my kuya jeof). at salamat kay joeffyboy dahil kung hindi kita kasama sa OPD at sa topfivechartnonmakers hindi ko talaga alam gagawin ko. buti na lang talaga. "blessing in the skies…" 
i also thank my many fans. you make me laugh and remind me of who i am really. thanks. dami nyo ah. hehehe.
end.
"we’re just friends." OR "close lang kami." - lauielau md (eh sa totoo naman eh)
